Recognition that this is a support group, setting up the beginning of a network. It was agreed to put this article and other thoughts on the website, and photos of the group.
Various issues and themes were discussed and raised to think about
The distance of the other twin in another country was apparent The research plan by Oliver Shirley around psycho/social studies through narrative research is awaited
Tamba has be operating so long it now has twins who are grown up, as well as twins who are now parents
A feminist perspective challenged the polarization of the sexes, causing divergence rather than recognition of their similarity.
Psychotherapists were experienced as helpful but not understanding the twin in the self. One psychotherapist had twins and was helpful in thinking about twin ship. It is better understood especially through Vivien Lewin that the twin in the transference needs to be recognized and named.
There was a recognition that they try to twin with people they meet, and can then get too close and withdraw.
Last session had focused on abandonment and three cornered relationships, involving other members of the family, friends lovers or marital partners.
Addiction was much thought about. it seemed there was quite high incident of addiction in the history of the twinships. Was addiction a way of avoiding attachment, trying to find attachment or both? Was the addiction attached to the twin dynamics or family dynamics, or parental dynamics or all of these? Was being sure what career line was to be pursued also a form of addiction versus someone who did not know what they would do?
Was addiction an obsession, compulsion or escape from the conundrum so that one remains sane whilst the other is not?
Much talk of boarding school to make boys, and girls, manage on their own Much sense of attitudes in the family never being spoken of men were pressurized more to represent the empire.
Recognition that if there was good twin bonding a twins could go into the world and not feel lonely, but if there was an unsatisfactory bolding that would influence the sense of self in the twin and can therefore be solitary. Another felt he was not sure he existed unless he could hear or feel the heart beat of the 'other'.
One twin felt his twins sister spoke up for him as a child and he grew up to support her. Some twins had not got on in childhood but due to circumstances changing had re-found each other and a new relationship.
Parents, especially mothers had had a very hard time managing twins,. Some had been depressed, or had premature babies they were not allowed to hold. this was terrible for all concerned. The mother did not know which child to attend to and did not have enough go round. This could put twin babies at risk. For example, one could be fed and not the other one.
Shortage of adult care exemplified by the research work of Pat Preedy in the practice of twin care and touch.
There is a struggle for some to be themselves as twins and not a false self that is not twin so turn to doing something obsessively.
It is difficult to know how to be with a married partner opposite you when you expect them to be beside you as an us. In short they did not know who to kill dragons for the winning of their desired object in another. once again there was only one married twin in the group, although one had a partner.
It was recognized that the twin was closer than the mother.
There was discussion about the place of resonance versus identification or attachment. A discussion developed about heart beats. Did the heart beats of twins match each other, were they in synchronicity with the heart beat of the mother. A single fetus would hear the heart beat of mother? What did twins hear? Was this was part of the early learning in infancy and in the womb that could lead to implicit understanding between the twins and this could overrule the geographic separations that could be very far apart.
It was noted that Jessica Benjamin, the analyst and feminist, holds that you cannot know yourself without being chosen by another. But here the whole heart carried ambivalence or ambiguity, meaning different ways of interpreting something, so introducing a possible element of doubt. But the fear of one twin dying was like a limb being cut off, and unimaginable.
The men again expressed how their feelings at boarding school had been repressed, "Feelings are not what got people through the war.' Hence feelings were repressed and squandered instead of being a resource that could be used.
There was discussion of twins being parents and how they behaved to their children and could be so preoccupied that their children had to carry the preoccupations of the parents.
The session ended with wondering about touch, and feeling loved and valued, whilst their twin did not want this type of intimacy for long.
Discussion was felt to be intriguing and a further date was planned for Saturday May 18th 2013 - this will be the Third Gathering of Adult Opposite Sex Twins.